Denial of Spiritual Abuse and Systemic Racism Go Hand in Hand
Spiritual Abuse
Spiritual abusers and those who enable them will often play a back and forth game with those who present credible accusations.
When told that spiritual abuse has occurred, they will often ask for a specific example. When an example is provided, abusers and their enablers will try to isolate that instance from the entire pattern of abuse. Common ways they do this is:
- “That was a misunderstanding.” They will argue that it wasn’t abusive, but rather it was an honest misunderstanding by the accuser.
- “You’re blowing it out of proportion.” They will argue that it may or may not have been abusive, but the accuser was making something big out of something small.
- “That was an isolated incident.” They may agree that it may have been abusive, but it was an exception to the rule — a blip.
- “He/she is really a good person.” They may agree that it may have been abusive, but that doesn’t override the person’s overall character (or perception thereof).
Then, when the accuser brings up that this is not an isolated incident but rather, fits within an entire pattern of abuse, abusers and their enablers will ask for specific examples again. Then, when specific examples are provided again, the same game of isolating incidents from the pattern happens again. They ultimately will deny the existence of abuse because they refuse to see the patterns of abuse, and they refuse to see the patterns of abuse because they refuse to accept the specific instances of abuse.
Systemic Racism
What is interesting about this is the fact that the same tactics used to deny patterns of abuse are eerily similar to the reasoning used to deny systemic racism.
When confronted with the idea that systemic racism is indeed a reality, those who oppose the idea will ask for specific examples of systemic racism. When specific examples are given, they will reply with the same sorts of responses to accusations of spiritual abuse. The specific examples of systemic racism, they argue, are misunderstandings, blown out of proportion, isolated incidents, and/or our nation is actually really good. Again, when told that these are not just isolated events but fit within an entire sustained pattern of racism, detractors will again ask for specific examples. And thus, the back and forth game continues. They will deny the existence of systemic racism because they refuse to see the patterns of racism, and they refuse to see the patterns of racism because they refuse to accept the specific instances of racism.
Seeing Both
The fact that the tactics and reasoning used to deny spiritual abuse and systemic racism are so similar, if not exactly the same, should be telling. There is a kind of darkness, a veil that prevents people from seeing both the specific instances and patterns of abuse and racism.
In fact, in many cases, I have noticed that those who “get it” regarding spiritual abuse often “get it” about systemic racism. They may not see entirely eye to eye about the depth of systemic racism, but categorically, they are able to say, “Yes” to the fact that it exists and has had sustained, patterned impact on communities in our nation.
